Change

Change /Chānj/ (verb) to make or become different

I’m one of those people who fight for change. I own it… I don’t like to be told what to do, when to do it, or how to do it. I don’t like to be told I’m wrong and I struggle with receiving feedback… feedback to change.

At the same time, I want to be better and I want to embrace growth which to me equals change. The crazy thing is that I teach people about change; why change is necessary and HOW to embrace it. This awareness has been pivotal for me. I was told once that people can’t change. They are who they are. I struggled with that and the more I learn, the more I believe we can change as long as we are aware of where change is necessary AND we must want to change.

So, why do some of us fight change so much? We don’t fight it when we feel ready when we want it when it’s our decision. We don’t fight it when we buy in, have a say in how we change when we understand why it’s necessary. We will take the steps to pivot, shift, adjust… to change.

Most people fight being changed. When we feel like we are being changed, that we need to become “different”, when it’s happening to us, not for us, we dig in our heels. When we feel like change is forced upon us, the message often received is that we’re not enough the way we are… we’re not good enough, smart enough, healthy enough, or whatever the “enough” is. When change is being “forced upon us” or we are given ultimatums, it can feel like a personal attack against our values, self-worth, and beliefs.

Change is necessary for growth, for life, and for survival. Change brings out newness, creativity, and excitement. The change also brings about loss, anxiety, and fear. In order to change we have to let go of what is and embrace the unknown. “What is” are comfort zones, habits, and routines. We like them. I like my comfort zones! It’s a place of safety, security, and certainty. Knowing what to expect, what to do, how to act…

Perception is everything. With the change, we get to let go of what we know, to embrace something new, something different, to be the student, to learn, to make mistakes, to fail, to get back up, and to do it again until we get comfortable… again. As humans, we crave protection and at the same time, we need growth. There is an internal war within us to have safety yet venture out. It’s like a toddler who needs the safety and comfort of their caregivers arms, yet, they want to bolt out the door and down the street in the exploration of what COULD be.

Here are some questions to consider when faced with change. Especially change you or the other person may not want to embrace at the time.

What do you need when you are asked to change? What do you think others need when you ask them to change?

• Security: Do you need security? Do you feel like you’re losing it?
• The Payoff: Is the payoff worth the pain of change? Yes, or No – why or why not?
• Your Value: You are worthy, valuable, and brilliant. Change isn’t about changing WHO you are at your core. It’s about the behavior or habit that is keeping you stuck from success; from moving forward to whatever “better” looks like.
• Understanding: Do you or the other person understand why change is necessary? When people understand the “whys” it’s easier for them to buy in.
• Buy-in: People want to be a part of the decision. If they buy in, they are open to doing the work that is required to activate change.

Change is hard. Change is good. Change is frustrating. Change is rewarding. Change is scary. Change is exciting.

Sometimes the smallest step in a new direction can be the biggest step in your life that will open doors and create opportunities that can radically shift your life.

Change is an essential part of life.
Be patient.
Get curious.
Ask for what you want.
Seek to understand.
Focus on the payoff.
Embrace grace.
Pivot and adjust.
It’s going to be okay.
You’re going to be okay.

Mary Belden-McGrath