“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain
This holiday season my hope is that kindness rules in the hearts of everyone so that we may experience peace. Kindness isn’t just how we treat our loved ones. It’s the random acts of kindness in the little things; such as letting someone go in front of you in the grocery line, showing appreciation and thanking the Amazon delivery driver who is dropping off packages at all times of the day and night, paying for the “next in line” at Starbucks, helping a stranger load their Costco boxes into their car, letting a car or two or three merge onto a busy road, smiling at a stranger and saying “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays”…
The holidays can be exciting, frustrating, happy, sad. We have different beliefs, expectations, traditions, hopes, and dreams. Kindness can turn what we have or don’t have into more than enough.
As a child, the Christmas season was my absolute favorite time of the year. My cousins would come for their yearly visit and we would go to grandma’s house where my aunt prepared amazing food and baked her signature “ammonia cookies”. We put puzzles together, played games, sang Christmas songs, and laughter filled the air. We didn’t get a lot of presents… we would get one “main present” which could be a bathrobe or doll for the girls and a train set, game or shoes for the boys. The other presents could include a pair of gloves, pajamas, a record or book. Our stockings were filled with an orange and candy.
I loved the lights, the smell of a fresh cut pine tree, singing Christmas Carols and the quietness of the chaos of the hustle and bustle of every day life. It was a time to be with the ones I loved.
As I grew older and I had children of my own, I craved creating the holiday traditions I knew as a child. Yet it became difficult… divorce and broken relationships created animosity, fighting, frustration, dividing time with the kids, working extra to make ends meet, credit cards maxed out so that the kids didn’t feel the “lack”. I am such a giver by nature that the stress I put on myself to have the most amazing Christmas became overwhelming and emotional. Instead of spreading joy it ended up, more often than not, with fighting and tears.
As the years passed by, life continued its ever constant change. Families lived in different states, loved ones passed on, years would go by without seeing siblings, let alone cousins. My daughters had children and the health of our parents wained. Yet the holidays still held a special place in my heart and I constantly looked for ways to re-create the special memories of my youth.
Today, as I reflect on the ebb and flow of life and of the holidays, I remember specific acts of kindness from strangers, family, and friends that helped reconnect me to what was really important and gave me a little more hope that things were going to be okay. I realize that there are seasons in our lives where Christmas and the holidays are magical… belief, excitement, hope, and giving – it’s the mountaintop experience! Other times, our holidays are filled with sadness, loneliness, loss, heartaches, fear and frustration. We are missing seats at the table, expectations go unmet, bills mounting… there are so many unknowns.
Kindness heals. Kindness soothes. Kindness lets us know that we’re not alone and some how, some way we can get through today. Kindness breeds hope.
What is the holiday season really about?
It’s not about the presents under the tree (although I LOVE giving presents). What I learned over the years is it’s about the small things… Christmas music, sitting in the dark with the Christmas tree lit up and soaking in the peace and quietness, reflecting. It’s the special moments with loved ones, the smell of fresh baked cookies, and laughter in the air. I still love putting puzzles together and playing games. I love cooking and baking and while I don’t have my aunt’s “ammonia cookie recipe”, I can make some mean fudge! I’ve learned to pivot and adapt with “my traditions” and create special times whenever I can.
At the end of the day, I believe that the holidays are about sharing kindness, pausing from the hustle and bustle of the chaos of life, and letting the ones we love know how much they mean to us. It’s the magic of hope, setting aside our differences and choosing peace.
It reminds me of the Christmas Truce during the war. It was Christmas 1914 on the Western Front. Despite strict orders not to mingle with the enemy, some British, German, and French soldiers left their trenches, crossed No Man’s Land, to mingle and exchange food and souvenirs. There were joint burial ceremonies and prisoner swaps, while several meetings ended in carol-singing. Men played games of football with one another, giving one of the most memorable images of the truce. The Christmas truces were particularly significant due to the number of men involved and the level of their participation – even in very peaceful sectors, dozens of men openly congregating in daylight was remarkable – and are often seen as a symbolic moment of peace and humanity amidst one of the most violent events of human history.
What would happen if this holiday season we embraced the Christmas Truce mindset, set aside our differences and looked for ways to connect with others, truly sharing kindness?
Wherever you are this holiday season may you remember:
… you are loved
… you’re going to be okay
… kindness is language we all can see and feel
… you make a difference
Wishing you a holiday season filled kindness. May you feel hope, peace, and love.
Mary Belden-McGrath